I had my first child at the age of 16 and then another at the age of 21, not married or even in a stable relationship. I lost custody of my second son and in result gave up my first son, who was raised by my father, praise God. I was in and out of mental hospitals and drug rehabs for most of my teenage and young adult life. I had abortions and lived life in deep darkness and misery, drinking and doing drugs and constantly trying to end my life. I returned to Jesus at the age of 28 when I went into God’s Ranch Discipleship Program. I got married to my first husband before leaving the program but due to consequences of my prior actions I spent time in prison where I had my third son. I continued to live for Jesus for a few years but then again compromised my walk and fell to the world and drugs. Again, I gave up my child and husband.

That excursion of falling away was short-lived and it didn’t take long to go back to my first love, Jesus. Soon after getting back on track I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and about a year after she was born I found my husband now, that was 13 years ago. But again, after about five years of compromise, I fell into the world of alcohol and drugs and gave up my daughter and husband, who also fell into alcoholism. For about a year I walked in complete darkness not wanting to be alive. I felt myself trying to call the Holy Spirit out of me and just letting me die, even though I knew the consequences of the second death, I deserved it and I knew it.

But, praise God, I had people praying for me that knew their prayers would overcome my darkness. After living out a lot of “nevers” in my life (the bad things that I had never done before), I was awakened by God with one more chance. I was in a bad place and the opportunity to go back to God’s Ranch was available and I took it, 12 years after the first time. I finally surrendered my whole life to Jesus on May 19, 2012 and have not looked back. I accepted Jesus’ forgiveness and decided to quit putting Him on the cross and start living in His resurrection of new life. One of the first miracles I experienced after returning to Jesus was a month after I was in the program I was able to make a phone call, I couldn’t get a hold of my kids so I called my Dad. I thank God that he blocked my other calls because that was the last time I got to speak to my earthly father, he passed away two weeks later. When I was about three months into the discipleship program God restored my relationship with my husband, and he too came into the men’s part of the program. We hadn’t talked or seen each other in months, more like a year, it was truly another miracle. It has been six years since I have given my life fully to Him and He has truly restored all things. I have a blessed marriage, I have a relationship with six out of seven children, four of my own and three step, (my second son has still to meet me and he has my first grandchild, but I know one day that will be restored also), and two of our children are even living with us now. We have a home, jobs, ministry, church family, and relationships with blood family. God has given me more now than I ever could imagine, and by the worlds standards we shouldn’t have anything. The most important thing I have received is the light of Jesus and the peace of mind he gives, because I have been forgiven I am able to forgive and not live with the weight of all that sin and guilt. Because of the transformation Jesus has made in both of mine and my husbands’ life our children are able to witness to what Jesus can do since they saw us at our worst.

I live for Jesus now and have realized the sacrifice he has made so that I can walk in His everlasting powerful light. I know that I must stay in fellowship with Him through prayer, His Word, and fellowship with others. I cannot compromise my walk and need accountability, obedience is not a suggestion it is a command.

I grew up in a family where the presence of verbal and physical abuse, violence, abandonment, and alcoholism took a terrible toll. My mom did the best she thought she could do. But what was lacking was any real closeness in the home. Hugs and kisses and “I love you” were something that was not part of my childhood. And that is something that would affect me for a lot of years and still sneaks into areas of my heart. My reaction to these influences was to become withdrawn, secretive, untrusting, and solitary. I still battle the urge to withdraw and become a hermit when trials get tough.

We never spoke of God in our home, but here and there I remember hearing of Him, being able to attend Sunday school once in a while, but didn’t know anything about Him.

In the world’s eyes I was a pretty good girl, I didn’t go to parties, I didn’t date, I didn’t get caught up in drugs and alcohol. I studied hard, read a lot, stayed in my room and craved attention. When I hit middle school and high school, even though I was never popular, some boys started to notice me. They were giving me the attention I desperately craved, and didn’t feel I received at home. They were so nice to me when they were trying to get something from me. They would tell me that they loved me. I had almost never heard anyone say those words to me. I would give them what they wanted, and I would get the “love” I was aching for, for a moment. I never felt good enough – there was an aching inside of me that wouldn’t go away. I hated myself and my low self esteem. I became what is known as a “cutter”. I felt that I had no control and no choices in my life so I mutilated myself to prove that I could control at least one thing in my life.

When I was 20 years old I went to visit my biological father that I had only met once before when I was 18. I took my two young daughters with me and moved in with him and his family in Maine– thousands of miles from my family in California. My mother had disowned me, my step father had tried to rape me, my husband and I were separated and I thought maybe I would find the love that I yearned for with my dad. But he didn’t know me and wasn’t ready to try to build a relationship with me. After just a few months I moved out of my Dad’s house and the owner of the bar where I worked said that he and his wife would watch my daughters while I tried to get on my feet. I moved in with another waitress and applied for some grants. One day when I went to visit my little girls, the youngest one called out “Mommy” and ran right past me into the arms of the lady that was caring for her. That was the rock bottom, I felt like there was absolutely no one left in the world that loved me, even my own babies rejected me.

The rejection was devastating. There was no-one that loved me, no family, no friends, no one. I ran out of that house and to my room-mates apartment and slit my wrists, I had no reason to live, no hope and no love. My room-mate came home and called the ambulance and they took me to the hospital. I was screaming, hitting, fighting to die. The emergency room personnel, a doctor and a nurse, tried everything to reason with me, to get me to live. They spoke of my children, my family, my future – none of that mattered without love. I punched and cussed and yelled for them to just let me die. I never had felt so alone, rejected and abandoned as that day.

And then a young nurse appeared from out of no where, she leaned over me as I lay strapped to the hospital bed, looked into my eyes and said; “Reva, don’t die, we love you”. All of a sudden all the fight left me, her eyes reflected a love that I had never seen before. There was no doubt in my mind that what she said was the absolute truth – someone loved me. It seemed as if she disappeared and God himself was in that room telling me that I was loved. I had never felt a love like that in my entire life.

After being stitched up I was sent to the psychiatric ward for a week. I did nothing but cry, not a sorrow cry, more like a cleansing cry – 24 hours a day – non stop tears. While I was on that ward I asked the ward nurse to find out who that emergency room nurse was so I could thank her. I was so persistent that she went to get the information for me. When she came back she was confused, she said that there were only the one doctor and the one nurse on call that night and they said there was never another person in the room with us. I knew for sure then that I had been visited by God’s messenger. He had sent an angel to tell me that He loved me.

After this experience, I did not doubt the existence of God. I definitely believed He was real, I believed I was worth something to Him; I believed I was loved and I believed I had been forgiven. I had a peace with regard to my future. Somehow I knew that everything was going to be fine – God Almighty Himself loved me. I understood without a doubt that I was not alone and I never would be again.

I got my daughters back, moved back to California with my husband, and immediately began searching the scriptures to find out all I could about this God who loved me. In time I realized that all He wanted from me was for me to love Him in return. I realized that I had to be His, not only in word, but in deed, in heart, in soul, and in mind. Love couldn’t be half-way. I came home still spiritually immature, but so much in love with my new found Lord.

That was the beginning of my long learning period, through which I learned to be dependent on God alone. I would still become hurt by people and relied on people for security through the years but through many hard lessons and the healing power of God Himself I came to realize that God was the only stable thing in my life. Throughout the years, I’ve come to realize that He alone can fill me, complete me, and change me into all I could ever want to be. Since then, it’s been a walking out my faith, learning new things, as I go, and working out problems with my loving Father. No matter what has come my way – I don’t doubt His Love for me. Even when I don’t understand some of the devastating events – I have complete trust in Him – I know He loves me and He would never hurt me or allow anything to happen to me that He isn’t fully aware of, fully in control of, and is totally for the best. I trust God – He loves me.

The only thing God desires of me is my ultimate love of Him and the working out of my love through obedience. Looking back I can see His hand guiding, comforting, teaching me – looking forward,  I see His promise to never leave me and never forsake me. I hang on to God’s promise that in the end, I’ll see a wonderful life and home with Him and my loved ones for Eternity. He said so. I believe Him because He loves me and He has never lied to me.

I could tell you of all the sins I committed, all the pain I’ve endured, all the wickedness I’ve witnessed and been a part of – or I could tell you about the One that I love.

We all come from somewhere, from upbringings and circumstances that shape the decisions we make and the people we become. We make choices about how to live our lives and how to treat people based on what life has given us and what people have done for us or to us. We are all different, and our reactions to the circumstances of our lives vary from person to person. Therefore, to blame our own choices of how we live our life on situations or people in the past is simply a denial of the truth. I am responsible for my own choices. I could tell you about what this one or that one, or my parents, etc… did to me, and the world would say, “That’s why she did what she did. Who can blame her?” But the truth is that God holds each one of us accountable for our own choices. Until I owned up to the fact that the decisions I made and still make are my responsibility and not someone else’s, God’s grace couldn’t reach those areas. I thought I had no control, a victim forever but… His love gave me the power to be in control. So many of us go through terrible abuse and rejections in these end times, not being in that category is a rarity. But none of that really matters, what does matter is that we can choose to forgive; we can choose to be kind, we can choose to show mercy, we can choose to love in spite of our pain. Allowing God into your life enables you to choose life and love and much more. And I chose to tell you my testimony, simple – powerful; Jesus Loves Me.

Until I met Pastor Ed and the Christian Biker Tabernacle. The discipleship taught me the truth about Christ; instilled a faith and trust in God that I used to put into money, booze, and drugs. I learned what it meant to stand up on my own two feet and take responsibility for my own actions (past, present and future), but most importantly, to be honest with God, myself, and others.

By allowing my old life to die and being re-born in Christ, my marriage has been restored and I have self-esteem. But even more so I am a productive member of society, who doesn’t have to live my life taking and hurting, but instead, giving and helping.

Could I have found the Lord and had my life restored without this ministry? Possibly… but I don’t believe I would have this magnitude and depth of love and understanding.

I was living in my car when I showed up at Pastor Ed and Reva’s looking for God’s Ranch. I entered the program that day and completed the 6-month commitment. Upon entering the program, I had a lot of head knowledge about addiction from previous centers and some about Jesus from going to church off and on, but I had no heart knowledge about Him. I didn’t know how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I learned that at God’s Ranch and so much more. I learned about His love for me and how to love others. I learned about His grace and mercy and how to have compassion for others. I learned about His forgiveness and through that how to forgive myself and others.

Through the community service in the program I learned how to get out of myself and into helping others. The void in my heart that I tried to fill with drugs all those years was lifted through knowing Jesus Christ. The God of the universe became my everything. The program wasn’t easy, but it’s awesome. It changed me and in turn changed my life. Change isn’t easy but it’s also not an option in maintaining sobriety.

Since graduating the program I’ve moved to a small town near Mt. Rainier where I have a job and am involved in my church. I am also a leader in Celebrate Recovery, a 12 Step Christ centered recovery group. There, with God’s help, I continue with what I was taught at God’s Ranch by helping others find hope through Jesus Christ in sobriety.

Pastor Ed took Matt under his wing as I made a 90-day commitment to live a God’s Ranch. We attended church several times a week along with faith based 12 Step meetings and various Bible studies. We also participated in house blessings and community outreaches which included the running of a food and clothing bank, feeding the homeless in downtown Tacoma, volunteering at the World Vision warehouse, and many other local charity events. The focus of the program was to introduce us to Our Lord and provide us the tools to reenter society as productive members after making relapse prevention plans and securing outside support.

We know a lot of people who have been loved through this ministry now living awesome successful faith-filled lives. We are only two, with many years clean and sober; a journeyman carpenter and a retail store manager, a husband and wife, a mother and father, a grandma and grandpa, children of God.

We are forever grateful to the folks at the Christian Biker Tabernacle. The strength and devotion to the call on their lives and the love shared through the obedience to the mission is contagious. My husband and I both have our own ministries as do several of our closest friends, all products and fruit of the ministry of CBT. Their love saves lives.

I have been in and out of jail a few times and that just added to the depression. I was a mess on the inside trying to pretend on the outside that everything was wonderful. I was without hope and slowly destroying myself and the love my family and friends had for me. What a mess.

That was yesterday. Today I have a peace in my life that is indescribable. There has been restoration with my husband and my family. I have a future and hope. I am forgiven and I have victory over the darkness which has so clouded my life.

Let me share with you what happened: My husband dropped me off at the Christian Biker Tabernacle. I was to participate in their discipleship program at God’s Ranch. Humiliated as I was, I agreed. The ministry leadership team was wonderful. They took my broken spirit and loved me just as I was. They did not judge me, they loved me. Over the course of the six months I was a part of the program. I found a new hope and a new way of living. I found the love of Christ not only in God’s Word but in the wisdom and encouragement of the ministry team.

My yesterday is gone and I am forgiven!

I praise God that He sent me to be ministered by the many brothers and sisters of the Tabernacle ministries. They are faithful servants and any consideration you give to the ministry team would be a blessing to any of the prison facilities in Washington State or any other state for that matter. The message of hope needs to be heard and this team has the compassion and discernment to share the message with the people and lift them up to a new life filled with restoration and peace.

The pastor and others opened their arms to me and taught me, through the love of Jesus Christ, that there was hope for the future. They taught me, through scripture, that God could restore my marriage, give my children a happy home and most importantly that God loved me and could forgive me for anything I have done wrong in my life.

I had never known love like that existed until now and if it wasn’t for these people I would have walked through life empty and not knowing how to find it. They showed me love, compassion, and gave my life meaningful direction all through the power of Jesus Christ.

My life found a new direction. My husband and I stayed married and will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary in June. Our Children have all accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior and our home is now a happy one. Pastor Ed has the ability to reach the hurt and down trodden in a way that lasts a life time.

My eyes and heart have been opened to receive the love of Christ, and because of that we enjoy sharing that love to as many people as possible. My husband and children help me pick up donated food every day and do a street feed on Saturdays. We are able to share the love so graciously shown to through the Tabernacle by our Lord Jesus Christ to approximately 1200 people a month.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord’s face shine upon you and give you peace.

This time the Lord changed me inside and out. No matter what stuff I pulled, or what rules I broke, the pastor and other members always loved me and assured me that the Lord loves me too. This ministry showed me a new way of life, and how to live for the Lord and others instead of just for myself.

Really this ministry saved my life and my daughters because they led me to the Lord. you see at God’s Ranch I learned first of all to Love the Lord, to love myself, forgive others and myself. To be led by the holy Spirit and not my own understanding.

The Lord has restored all the relationships that I destroyed. I am a living walking miracle Praise the Lord! Today I have my daughter and an awesome Christian man who loves me and my daughter. A new baby on the way, my own house, a job and a family that loves me. Without going to God’s Ranch, I know in my heart I would be in jail or dead. I pray that you can see the good that this ministry does, the lives that it helps save, and the positive impact it has on lost women, children and men. Thank you.